Why Do People Play Games in Relationships?

This is a clear task for the independent mind machine in humans head, withing relationship you have two mind machines wanting to dominate both beings, so it will start a fight for dominance and control. What is the opposite from unconditional love, a lie. Love is not a useful task for an A.I. while control is.

https://wakeup-world.com/2019/01/13/why-do-people-play-games-in-relationships/

January 12, 2019

January 13th, 2018

By Aletheia Luna

Guest writer for Wake Up World

Whether consciously or unconsciously, whether at home, at work, among strangers, or among friends, we have all engaged in games that are sometimes beneficial and useful, and other times detrimental to our health and the well-being of others.

Psychological games are often rewarding to one party and harmful to the other, creating exhausting and messy dynamics in every kind of relationship. Sometimes we are so deeply ingrained in the cat-and-mouse games that define our relationships that we aren’t even aware of what is happening.

So why do people play games in relationships? And how can you identify whether you are instigating the games, or serving as the prey of them? (Or both?)

Exploring Psychological Theatrics

Why do people play games in relationships? The answer is quite simple: They get something out of it.

 

Whether the incentives to play games involve gaining security, gaining control or gaining self-esteem and self-justification, psychological theatrics are always ways of fulfilling an (often) unconscious goal.

It’s also important to note that playing games in relationships involves two people, not just one person “victimizing the other.” As they say: it takes two to tango, and games are the result of enabling behaviors just as much as manipulative behaviors.

So resist the urge to victimize yourself or demonize another.

5 Types of Games Played in Relationships

One of the best ways of establishing a healthy and honest relationship is to be mindful of the games people play in relationships. You and your partner – like everyone else – are not exempt from engaging in these forms of emotional gimmickry.

Below I will explore some of the most common psychological games and their dynamics.

1. Frigid Woman/Man

This game often occurs with a woman (sometimes man) who is pursued by her husband for sex, but is rejected on the grounds that “all men ever want is sex – they’re so selfish and they’re incapable of just loving me for me.”

Eventually as the husband (sometimes wife) is rebuffed in this way more and more, he loses hope and stops making sexual advances. As time progresses and the husband remains quiet, the wife becomes more and more provocative in her behavior. For example, she might walk around in skimpy clothing, bend over in suggestible ways, or even (in extreme cases) flirt with other men.

The husband, seeing his wife’s behavior, continues to resist seeing it as a kind of “trap.” However, when the wife turns up her provocativeness and begins to engage in more physical contact (e.g. kisses), the husband regains a glimmer of hope and launches in with hopes of sexual intimacy. However, the wife immediately rebuffs him with her usual “See! Men are so selfish and obsessed with sex. All I wanted was intimacy!” excuse.

Reason for the behavior: Fear of sex, fear of vulnerability, desire for more sexual intensity.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of sex due to shame and fear, enhanced sexual stimulation and intensity, self-esteem justification of “I’m OK, you’re not OK.”

2. If It Weren’t For You (IWFY)

This game starts with a passive person (male or female) selecting a more dominant partner. Naturally, the domineering partner restricts the activities of the passive partner, and so the passive partner resigns to the role of the victim with the catch-cry  of“If it weren’t for you I could do this, I could do that” etc.

Reason for the behavior: Unconsciously the passive partner chooses a controlling partner as a way of avoiding frightening situations that may jeopardize their self-image. It also gives the passive partner the “power card” to play in arguments, and contributes towards their belief that “They’re OK, but others are not OK.”

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of fearful situations, safety, self-righteous victimhood, power.

3. See What You Made Me Do (SWYMD)

Within a relationship sometimes it is common for one partner to get extremely absorbed in a project of some kind. Whether this project is a simple household chore, hobby, or work-related task, it tends to absorb the partner’s time, energy and effort constantly.

When the other partner intervenes however, the busy partner might exclaim something along the lines of “See what you made me do!” as a result of accidentally deleting their whole work document, dropping a can of paint, injuring their thumb with a hammer mishap, or any other instance. Of course, it is the partner’s own anger and high-strung state that causes the accident.

The intervening partner soon learns, with enough of these instances, to not interfere or interrupt with their busy partner, leaving them alone, and allowing them to spend more time by themselves than with the rest of the family.

Reason for the behavior: Deep down the busy partner is actually fearful of intimacy and connection, and so avoids these compromising situations by burying him/herself in the solitude of work.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of emotional and sexual intimacy, confirmation of the belief that “I’m OK, but others aren’t OK, aren’t reliable, are nuisances” etc.

4. Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a B*tch (NIGYSOB)

In this game, the NIGYSOB player selects a partner who is a classic button-pusher; in other words, a person who knows what negative emotional triggers to set off in others at the right (or wrong) times. Both partners in this game experience hostility towards one another, however the NIGYSOB player externalizes their anger, while the button-pusher internalizes their anger.

The problems usually start when the NIGYSOB partner is in a bad mood about something. The button-pusher partner, known for their ability to provoke “hot buttons,” triggers a tirade of anger in their NIGYSOB partner usually with a poorly timed question or comment.

For example, the NIGYSOB partner might come home after a long day at work in a foul mood. The button-pusher, sensing this, might ask something like, “What have I done wrong now?” which triggers the NIGYSOB partner to launch into a long angry monologue of how the other person is “so self-centered, only cares about themselves, is only really an unthoughtful and egocentric person” etc. In other words, “Now I’ve got you, you son of a b*tch!”

Reason for the behavior: The NIGYSOB partner selects a partner who will allow them to avoid their anger/jealous behavior by providing them with a seemingly legitimate way to vent their rage. They then feel justified for behaving the way they do.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of personal issues such as fury and resentment, self-justification of their inability to control their emotions through the use of an outlet, confirmation of the belief that “I’m OK, but other people aren’t,” avoidance of self-responsibility.

5. I Don’t Need You (IDNY)

The I Don’t Need You game is paradoxical in that it is played inside a relationship, but with the rules of the dating sphere. Usually only played by one “femme fatale” or “player” figure within the relationship, this game involves an underlying tug-of-war game. On one side, the femme fatale or player tugs for power, and on the other side the partner tugs for attention and recognition.

A common example of the IDNY game within relationships is when one partner behaves in ways that suggest “they don’t truly need the other person.” This could manifest itself in individualistic behavior like going to a festival or event alone (or with a group of friends), or openly “wanton” behavior such as flirting with other men and women, advertising their “other” admirers, and so forth.

In response to the IDNY partner’s games, the other partner reacts by trying harder and harder to gain the attention and “win” the affection of their seemingly disinterested partner. When the IDNY partner is not satisfied with their partner’s efforts, they might exclaim, for instance, “I could have gone to that screening rather than sit here with you!” or even something as extreme as “I should have never decided to marry you!”

Reason for the behavior: Underneath the IDNY partner’s game is a deep fear of commitment, intimacy, and especially vulnerability. They might fear their own defectiveness, ugliness and impotence, and therefore compensate this fear with the pursuit of being “desirable” and “sought after” even within relationships. On the other hand, the IDNY partner might genuinely be a narcissistic person with the desire to wrap others around his/her fingers.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Power, control, avoidance of vulnerability, establishment of false self-image, sexual stimulation.

Why do people play games in relationships? There are many reasons as we have seen above. The truth is that relationships aren’t always entered solely to give and receive love. Often there are many other underlying goals and pursuits in play that are a result of unconscious fears and desires.

The good news is that once you become aware of the patterns that constitute these games you will be able to heal, transform and also create relationships that are healthy, stable and fulfilling.

Have you experienced any of these relationships? Do you have any of your own to add? Please share!

Recommended articles by Aletheia Luna:

About the author:

Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a psychospiritual counselor, tarot reader, and professional writer, Luna’s mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. See more of her work at lonerwolf.com.

This article Why Do People Play Games in Relationships was originally published on lonerwolf.com, reproduced with permission.

ETs are Here Multiverse Elites under Malevolent Control with former FBI agent John Desouza

There is a lot of material to see, wide informations about many terms. Here John Desouza talk about outer space influence, where i like to add that not only invisible ED are involved, the telepathic influence is also a special class. People in sleep are unshielded, here all kind of beings try to connect and influence dreams and mind. Your opportunity is to play with a benevolent being, that will shield you and give teachings while sleep.

5 Things That Only Old Souls Will Understand

This is for the ones, who are unable to feel the difference on daily bases. It’s for the ones fighting nature as enemy.

https://www.higherperspectives.com/things-old-souls-understand-2616738374.html

5 Things That Only Old Souls Will Understand

For someone who is an “old soul”, life can be a very different experience. You may be young but somehow you feel as though you’ve been walking the Earth for a hundred years.

You don’t exactly fit in with people of your age group or generation. You don’t care much or have an eye for trends or social norms, and you’re often the last to keep up with modern pop culture.

You are not alone though. We may be few and far between, but there are numerous old souls out there who feel just like you do.

Here are 5 things that only old souls can really understand.

1. Civilization Vs. Nature

Being an old soul usually means a love of the natural world. You have a special connection with nature because all in all, Earth is unchanging and feels like the only reliable constant truth.

You are comfortable in and can understand the beauty of a forest, the crisp night sky full of stars, or the soothing sound of rolling ocean waves lapping at the beach.

These things make you feel safe and grounded, while the bustling cities, with bright lights and constant over stimulation feel tense and unnecessary.

You don’t really get the point of having 3 Starbuck’s within two blocks of your house or going out to a club where everything real and natural is drowned out by electronics.

You feel no affinity with the concrete jungle and you struggle to find any beauty or purpose there.

2. You see the big picture.

You are well aware of how temporary this human life is in the grand scheme of things.

You know you are a tiny speck in the face of a vast universe, a grain of sand in the endless shoreline, but this is neither sad nor bothersome to you.

Seeing and understanding the big picture, global or cosmic, doesn’t mean you don’t know how important even this impermanent short human life is.

You know that every tiny action can affect great things, every speck can change the picture. This is why you take great care to live your life in a way that aligns with your principles and beliefs.

You want whatever legacy you leave behind to be noble, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

3. Solitude is important to you.

You enjoy other people and their company, but being an old soul tends to make you feel like a bit of a misfit at times. You spend a lot of time in your own head, and social interaction can be exhausting for you after a while.

You need regular time to yourself to look inward and gather your thoughts, rest and recuperate your mind and recharge for the new day.

4. People in your age group are frustrating/tiring.

People who are old souls are more intuitive than others who are the same age. They tend to have a deeper understanding of mature concepts, and this causes a disconnect between them and their typical peers.

Social interaction with others your age might be frustrating, as you end up feeling the need to explain things that seem simple or straight forward to you, sometimes repeatedly. It can also be plain tiresome, being surrounded by what feels like children.

Don’t despair though, you can always find your tribe, it just may take a little extra searching. You may not make many friends in your year at school, but you’ll make them elsewhere.

5. You have an innate thirst for knowledge.

As an old soul you know that material things have no real value, money is meaningless and even people come and go, but there is one thing you value more than anything else.

That is knowledge. This is one thing that cannot be stolen or removed, it is timeless and ageless, in many ways just like you.

You have a need to learn as much as you can about anything and everything that peaks your curiosity. There is no subject that is off limits or too mundane, it all has value and importance for you.

This is a great thing and one of your best qualities. It’s also one of the reasons that old souls excel in teaching positions.

You have so much to teach others as you are always learning yourself and are naturally inclined toward patience with an eager student.

Are you interested in learning more about the secrets of your personality?

Tap into the 4,000 year old science of Numerological Analysis with a FREE Numerology video report!

That’s right, the numerology of your birth date can help you discover detailed information about who you truly are. You won’t believe how accurate it is!

Click HERE to learn what Numerology says about your life using only your Name and Birth Date.

https://www.higherperspectives.com/things-old-souls-understand-2616738374.html