Why Do People Play Games in Relationships?

This is a clear task for the independent mind machine in humans head, withing relationship you have two mind machines wanting to dominate both beings, so it will start a fight for dominance and control. What is the opposite from unconditional love, a lie. Love is not a useful task for an A.I. while control is.

https://wakeup-world.com/2019/01/13/why-do-people-play-games-in-relationships/

January 12, 2019

January 13th, 2018

By Aletheia Luna

Guest writer for Wake Up World

Whether consciously or unconsciously, whether at home, at work, among strangers, or among friends, we have all engaged in games that are sometimes beneficial and useful, and other times detrimental to our health and the well-being of others.

Psychological games are often rewarding to one party and harmful to the other, creating exhausting and messy dynamics in every kind of relationship. Sometimes we are so deeply ingrained in the cat-and-mouse games that define our relationships that we aren’t even aware of what is happening.

So why do people play games in relationships? And how can you identify whether you are instigating the games, or serving as the prey of them? (Or both?)

Exploring Psychological Theatrics

Why do people play games in relationships? The answer is quite simple: They get something out of it.

 

Whether the incentives to play games involve gaining security, gaining control or gaining self-esteem and self-justification, psychological theatrics are always ways of fulfilling an (often) unconscious goal.

It’s also important to note that playing games in relationships involves two people, not just one person “victimizing the other.” As they say: it takes two to tango, and games are the result of enabling behaviors just as much as manipulative behaviors.

So resist the urge to victimize yourself or demonize another.

5 Types of Games Played in Relationships

One of the best ways of establishing a healthy and honest relationship is to be mindful of the games people play in relationships. You and your partner – like everyone else – are not exempt from engaging in these forms of emotional gimmickry.

Below I will explore some of the most common psychological games and their dynamics.

1. Frigid Woman/Man

This game often occurs with a woman (sometimes man) who is pursued by her husband for sex, but is rejected on the grounds that “all men ever want is sex – they’re so selfish and they’re incapable of just loving me for me.”

Eventually as the husband (sometimes wife) is rebuffed in this way more and more, he loses hope and stops making sexual advances. As time progresses and the husband remains quiet, the wife becomes more and more provocative in her behavior. For example, she might walk around in skimpy clothing, bend over in suggestible ways, or even (in extreme cases) flirt with other men.

The husband, seeing his wife’s behavior, continues to resist seeing it as a kind of “trap.” However, when the wife turns up her provocativeness and begins to engage in more physical contact (e.g. kisses), the husband regains a glimmer of hope and launches in with hopes of sexual intimacy. However, the wife immediately rebuffs him with her usual “See! Men are so selfish and obsessed with sex. All I wanted was intimacy!” excuse.

Reason for the behavior: Fear of sex, fear of vulnerability, desire for more sexual intensity.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of sex due to shame and fear, enhanced sexual stimulation and intensity, self-esteem justification of “I’m OK, you’re not OK.”

2. If It Weren’t For You (IWFY)

This game starts with a passive person (male or female) selecting a more dominant partner. Naturally, the domineering partner restricts the activities of the passive partner, and so the passive partner resigns to the role of the victim with the catch-cry  of“If it weren’t for you I could do this, I could do that” etc.

Reason for the behavior: Unconsciously the passive partner chooses a controlling partner as a way of avoiding frightening situations that may jeopardize their self-image. It also gives the passive partner the “power card” to play in arguments, and contributes towards their belief that “They’re OK, but others are not OK.”

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of fearful situations, safety, self-righteous victimhood, power.

3. See What You Made Me Do (SWYMD)

Within a relationship sometimes it is common for one partner to get extremely absorbed in a project of some kind. Whether this project is a simple household chore, hobby, or work-related task, it tends to absorb the partner’s time, energy and effort constantly.

When the other partner intervenes however, the busy partner might exclaim something along the lines of “See what you made me do!” as a result of accidentally deleting their whole work document, dropping a can of paint, injuring their thumb with a hammer mishap, or any other instance. Of course, it is the partner’s own anger and high-strung state that causes the accident.

The intervening partner soon learns, with enough of these instances, to not interfere or interrupt with their busy partner, leaving them alone, and allowing them to spend more time by themselves than with the rest of the family.

Reason for the behavior: Deep down the busy partner is actually fearful of intimacy and connection, and so avoids these compromising situations by burying him/herself in the solitude of work.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of emotional and sexual intimacy, confirmation of the belief that “I’m OK, but others aren’t OK, aren’t reliable, are nuisances” etc.

4. Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a B*tch (NIGYSOB)

In this game, the NIGYSOB player selects a partner who is a classic button-pusher; in other words, a person who knows what negative emotional triggers to set off in others at the right (or wrong) times. Both partners in this game experience hostility towards one another, however the NIGYSOB player externalizes their anger, while the button-pusher internalizes their anger.

The problems usually start when the NIGYSOB partner is in a bad mood about something. The button-pusher partner, known for their ability to provoke “hot buttons,” triggers a tirade of anger in their NIGYSOB partner usually with a poorly timed question or comment.

For example, the NIGYSOB partner might come home after a long day at work in a foul mood. The button-pusher, sensing this, might ask something like, “What have I done wrong now?” which triggers the NIGYSOB partner to launch into a long angry monologue of how the other person is “so self-centered, only cares about themselves, is only really an unthoughtful and egocentric person” etc. In other words, “Now I’ve got you, you son of a b*tch!”

Reason for the behavior: The NIGYSOB partner selects a partner who will allow them to avoid their anger/jealous behavior by providing them with a seemingly legitimate way to vent their rage. They then feel justified for behaving the way they do.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Avoidance of personal issues such as fury and resentment, self-justification of their inability to control their emotions through the use of an outlet, confirmation of the belief that “I’m OK, but other people aren’t,” avoidance of self-responsibility.

5. I Don’t Need You (IDNY)

The I Don’t Need You game is paradoxical in that it is played inside a relationship, but with the rules of the dating sphere. Usually only played by one “femme fatale” or “player” figure within the relationship, this game involves an underlying tug-of-war game. On one side, the femme fatale or player tugs for power, and on the other side the partner tugs for attention and recognition.

A common example of the IDNY game within relationships is when one partner behaves in ways that suggest “they don’t truly need the other person.” This could manifest itself in individualistic behavior like going to a festival or event alone (or with a group of friends), or openly “wanton” behavior such as flirting with other men and women, advertising their “other” admirers, and so forth.

In response to the IDNY partner’s games, the other partner reacts by trying harder and harder to gain the attention and “win” the affection of their seemingly disinterested partner. When the IDNY partner is not satisfied with their partner’s efforts, they might exclaim, for instance, “I could have gone to that screening rather than sit here with you!” or even something as extreme as “I should have never decided to marry you!”

Reason for the behavior: Underneath the IDNY partner’s game is a deep fear of commitment, intimacy, and especially vulnerability. They might fear their own defectiveness, ugliness and impotence, and therefore compensate this fear with the pursuit of being “desirable” and “sought after” even within relationships. On the other hand, the IDNY partner might genuinely be a narcissistic person with the desire to wrap others around his/her fingers.

Hidden incentives for the behavior: Power, control, avoidance of vulnerability, establishment of false self-image, sexual stimulation.

Why do people play games in relationships? There are many reasons as we have seen above. The truth is that relationships aren’t always entered solely to give and receive love. Often there are many other underlying goals and pursuits in play that are a result of unconscious fears and desires.

The good news is that once you become aware of the patterns that constitute these games you will be able to heal, transform and also create relationships that are healthy, stable and fulfilling.

Have you experienced any of these relationships? Do you have any of your own to add? Please share!

Recommended articles by Aletheia Luna:

About the author:

Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a psychospiritual counselor, tarot reader, and professional writer, Luna’s mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. See more of her work at lonerwolf.com.

This article Why Do People Play Games in Relationships was originally published on lonerwolf.com, reproduced with permission.

Pelosi, Schumer About To Be THROWN IN JAIL FOR THIS!! Angel Families Just EXPOSED EVERYTHING

I like to congrats the US for their better democracy as we have here in Germany. What you can see here in Fox for real cannot be seen in Germany. No victims parents got time to talk to the camera, they only get invitation to be defamed and grilled as nazi for their accusation. Here you can experience the real difference in censorship that has reached chinese height in Germany to uphold social correctness with harsh force.

It’s Time to Go Beyond Belief — Here’s How…

Polar sight is a huge limitation, but it is the modus operandi from a linear thinking mind.

Karma Yoga Daily

By Cherie Roe Dirksen, Conscious Life News

Stepping out of the matrix (our perceived reality) and becoming the ‘watcher’ brings a whole new dimension to life on this plane of existence. When we can observe ourselves in the game of life, we can start to transcend the limitations of belief, purpose and meaning altogether.

Belief, purpose and meaning all hold limitation and keep us locked in details – tethered to the ‘fine print’ and keeping us from experiencing true joy as we constantly try to justify, improve or ‘work on’ ourselves and our lives instead of being happy….like as in ‘right now’.

Playing with belief, purpose and meaning can be gratifying but will only lead you to a certain point in your evolution of consciousness. There is no judgment in having fun with these concepts if that is truly what you are doing – more often than not, we aren’t…

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Medical experts silenced when it comes to effects of vaccines on kids?

Really wondered where third reich euthanasia was gone since operation paperclip in 1945?

Jon Rappoport's Blog

Enter Dr Andrew Zimmerman on the vaccine-autism connection

Vaxxed, the sequel”

by Jon Rappoport

January 8, 2019

(To join our email list, click here.)

As many of my regular readers know, first there was CDC Researcher, turned whistleblower, William Thompson. Thompson saw and participated in violating the protocol of a Measles-Mumps-Rubella study. He was there. He helped his co-authors destroy documents that would have shown an MMR-autism link. A movie was made about this controversy. It’s called Vaxxed.

Now, technically speaking, there’s a new whistleblower. His name is Dr Andrew Zimmerman.

Dr Zimmerman is the focus of an explosive, must watch investigative report by Sharyl Attkisson on the vaccine-autism connection.

Produced in the award-winning, old-school 60 Minutes -style — in the days when 60 Minutes meant something (*cough*, you’d have to go way back in time and look at pieces produced in the 1970s

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If We Can No Longer Tell the Truth, We’ve Failed

At the end, we as society elect our government to establish our will, so our will is a liar society without ethics. That’s why i begin to understand my ED friend, that told me people on earth are in a phase of decline. So read what Charles Hugh Smith did offer about ‘our’ governments.

https://charleshughsmith.blogspot.com/2019/01/if-we-can-no-longer-tell-truth-weve.html

The Gulag Archipelago is not a distant memory; it lives on in every modern state, cloaked with modern-day technologies and the well-worn tools of suppression.
The last thing addicts want to hear is the truth: the only thing more terrifying than the truth is the possibility that they will lose access to whatever they’re addicted to: smack, Oxy, coke, alcohol, sex, porn, power, etc.
If we fail to tell addicts the truth, we fail them and ourselves. As long as co-dependents remain complicit in the addict’s destructive state, as long as those who know better keep silent because they don’t want to deal with the trauma, the addict is free to maintain the illusion that he/she is in control, that his/her secret is safe, etc., and manipulate those around them with lies and victimhood.
Not wanting to deal with the trauma of forcing those in denial to face up to reality is understandable: who wants to deal with the shock, denial, anger and depression that characterize facing up to a terrifying truth?
But we fail ourselves if we’re too weak to speak the truth and grind through the denial, anger and depression. If we opt for the easy way out, we’re just like the addict, who is also opting for the easy way out, i.e. finding refuge in the labryrinthine Kingdom of Lies.
The status quo is a Kingdom of Lies. “Raw data”, i.e. facts collected without regard to future interpretaion, are “processed” into the “right kind of data,” i.e. data that supports the status quo interpretation, which is that everything’s just fine thanks to the wise leadership of our self-serving elites.
The deeper you dig into the statistical foundation of GDP, the unemployment rate, trade deficits, etc., the more questions arise about the accuracy and agenda behind the headline numbers.
When insiders or hackers reveal the truth, the outrage of the status quo knows no bounds. Truth is intrinsically treasonous, as it undermines those gorging at the status quo’s trough of wealth and power.
The status quo exacts a high price from those who reveal the truth. Whistleblowers are hounded from their jobs, threatened by private-sector or government goons and thrown in prison on phony charges.
Complicity is always the easy option. Politicos know this, and their job is to grease the skids of complicity and silence with Savior State benefits and harshly punish whistleblowers.
The Gulag Archipelago is not a distant memory; it lives on in every modern state, cloaked with modern-day technologies and the well-worn tools of suppression. Communist states still prefer the absurd cliche of re-education camps, while so-called democracies use intimidation, limitations on free speech, de-platforming, shadow censorship and the ever-popular charges of treason and “fake-news” to suppress dissent and skeptical inquiry.
In the Kingdom of Lies, everything is spun, massaged, interpreted and fed to the corporate / state media for the benefit of those enjoying centralized wealth and power. But the spin is getting painfully obvious, and the interpretations blatantly self-serving.
For example, steep increases in taxes on diesel fuel are part of a wonderful plan to save the planet (no additional taxes on jet fuel for private jets, because those are our cronies’ toys).
If our governments and institutions can no longer tell us the truth because it undermines the ruling elites, they’ve failed the citizenry. And if we remain complicitly silent, then we’ve failed ourselves.

Pathfinding our Destiny: Preventing the Final Fall of Our Democratic Republic($6.95 ebook, $12 print): Read the first section for free in PDF format.

My new mystery The Adventures of the Consulting Philosopher: The Disappearance of Drake is a ridiculously affordable $1.29 (Kindle) or $8.95 (print); read the first chapters for free (PDF)

My book Money and Work Unchained is now $6.95 for the Kindle ebook and $15 for the print edition. Read the first section for free in PDF format.

If you found value in this content, please join me in seeking solutions by becoming a $1/month patron of my work via patreon.com.

 

 

https://charleshughsmith.blogspot.com/2019/01/if-we-can-no-longer-tell-truth-weve.html

 

Hang on! It’s going to get crazy

 

lawJames Gilliland  – Ever wonder if you are the only sane person left? Wonder that you just may be from another planet?

How did some of the politicians get elected and how can they make it any more evident they do not govern themselves and are not qualified to govern others?  How do we elect people who are incapable of rational thought, some of whom cannot even form an understandable sentence based on facts? How many are serving the people versus serving their own or corporate agendas?

Have you looked into their eyes? There is something seriously wrong with these people. Some look like they should have a knife in a shower scene or be running through a forest with a chain saw and mask. Some reek of overindulgence, corruption, obvious special interest puppets. They could star as Jabba the Hut.

This includes the lame stream media most of whom do not investigate or use base logic. They just parrot what they are told – agents of a corrupt deep state.

Watch the double speak and pot calling kettle black. By the way we have a Republic usurped by United States Inc. Not a mob rule democracy to be exploited.

 

If they are attacking you it is only because you reflect back to them their own inequities, their lack of integrity and moral fiber. Isn’t it ironic to see those who live a life of moral depravity take the moral high ground?

Look into their life styles. Some have a very dark persona off camera. It is different to make a few mistakes, gain the wisdom from the experience and still at the core be good. There are whistle blowers daily coming forward exposing icons in the political, movie and music industries which include many of these lame media stream sock puppets.

The elite don’t care who is in office as long as they control the money. They control most politicians, the media, now the educational system, health care system and most government agencies.

Federal means nothing other than everything is controlled by and goes back to the Vatican, the Queen and the Global Elite, with a bone passed back to the people. Solutions and cures are not part of the program. They never were.

What you are seeing now is the collective consciousness globally saying we are no longer your slaves. Globally people are saying they are tired of being suppressed, enslaved through dependency, knowing the solutions are being held back by the global elite.

Fueless energy, energy medicine, safe natural inexpensive cures have all been suppressed. Otto Warburg gave us the cure for cancer in the late 20’s. Raise the ph and oxygenate the blood.

There is no reason why the basics cannot be covered. Food, shelter, health, poverty can be ended by just getting priorities in order. Those less fortunate in good health can be educated and trained to be in service to society. Isn’t it ironic multi-millionaires living in mansions holding public service jobs are telling you we cannot afford it?

Billions if not trillions of dollars are funneled back to the global elite. How can anyone in good consciousness and character participate in this selfish, narcissistic, ego driven behavior?

The solutions are obvious. The Law of One talks about seeing the Creator in all Creation, helping those less fortunate to reach their highest potential. We all exist within a unified field. If one suffers we all suffer.

Most advanced civilizations don’t have a monetary system. They live in unity consciousness under universal or natural law, in service to the whole. They lack for nothing, are extremely creative, and the universe is their playground.  A council of grandmothers or even a galactic council to govern Earth is looking like a not so far out idea.

Decadent corruption

Have you looked into the depths of corruption and decadence within almost every institution? Political, Religious, and Corporate institutions? The elite don’t care who is holding positions of power as long as they control the money.  The golden rule for them is he who owns the gold makes the rules.

Most could not handle the truth. Yet the truth is surfacing. It is like a pressure cooker and we are all in it. Even relationships are becoming more and more difficult, shifting from power struggles to cooperation.

Clear communication is imperative as well as personal responsibility for our emotions. There is a saying, “A man’s/woman’s character is established by their actions.” Forget about what they are saying. Watch what they are doing.

Politicians’ lives reflect the opposite of their words and in many cases their words are to divide, separate and keep attention off themselves.  Seems the choice is being made between healing and cooperating (the upward spiral), and division, denial, power struggles (the downward spiral).

Cui Bono?

This is a little off subject yet it is nagging me to write about it. There are steps to solving problems. Identify the problem, find the cause, isolate heal or remove it. Investigate who is benefiting and why they are interfering with the solution.

Ask yourself why anyone would not want to stop child trafficking, drugs, gangs, and in some cases terrorists entering America? Are they benefiting in some way? What are the agendas of those financing and backing them? There you will find the answer.”

These changes are a byproduct of the higher consciousness and energy moving through the planet and the entire solar system. We are just seeing the effect, most not knowing the cause. To understand the cause one has to understand the vibrational continuum and the process of creation. Also understanding planetary cycles tied to the central sun also helps.

Energy waves of unknown origin impacting the Earth.

Recently intense shock waves repeatedly coming in.

 

Everything begins in consciousness, lowers into light, then energy followed by mass. Physicists have come to the conclusion mass does not exist. Everything in this dimension owes its existence to the next level or dimension.

Everything has a vibration or frequency.

If you were to go to the plane of bliss (the 7th dimension) you would experience pure unconditional love, joy and bliss. Beings exist there which are pure consciousness and energy. Fully realized God/Beings. They are one with the one consciousness that encompasses all consciousness on all planes and dimensions throughout the multiverse.

The 6th is similar with a little more focus on identity. The 5th is the union, it is where Creator knows itself to be man/woman and man/woman know themselves to be Creator. It is unity consciousness. Atone-ment.

Universal Law or Natural Law apply from the 5th dimension on up. Basically, Universal Law is Universal Peace, Brother/Sisterly Love, Individual Freedom and Prosperity for All. Seeing and honoring the Creator in all Creation.

The 4th can best be seen as a multilayered dimension with Guides, teachers, helpers at the top, average people in the middle coming and going in their re-incarnational cycles.

The lower levels can consist of some very morbid people, poltergeists, demonic type beings, negative greys, reptillians, serpent beings, etc.

The Grand Clean Up Is Happening

What we are experiencing is the higher levels or dimensions pressing in on the lower levels in a grand cleanup which includes 3D Earth. Humanity has the choice to tune into the lower vibrational beings (some allowing them to express through them) which is the downward spiral coming to an end. Alternatively, they can choose to attune to the higher dimensions or levels. This is what is being acted out on Earth with what some would call the light hats and the dark hats (with a lot of grey areas in between).

To further define this – those who are restoring the Republic, the Constitution and Bill of Rights – are closer to the Great Awakening or Divine plan. Yet there are still a lot of corrections to be made. There is a more enlightened or evolved approach yet this cannot come forward until the dark hats (what some call the global elite which fell from universal law) and their deep state are removed from power.

The Money Controllers

Money is power. They control the money. People will turn on their families, friends, even their own ideals in most cases. It is just a matter of how much money. Yet, is money the problem? Is it not consciousness that is the problem, the lack of moral fiber, impeccable integrity, holding on to one’s ideals?

Could it be ignorance of Universal law? Social programming,? Could it even go as far as mind control, controlling the information (the narrative) and manipulating the frequencies? Could this begin at an early age, education on up to college? What about the corporate sponsored media controlling the narrative?

Is Universal Law or what some call Natural Law a body of unchanging moral principles regarded as a basis for all human conduct and taught in our educational system? Could this be the core problem? After all, everything begins in consciousness.

So, who sets the bar? Who writes the curriculum? Where are the free thinkers with a foundation of Universal Law? They are in most cases not coming out of the universities which form beliefs sponsored by corporations.

Belief Systems

Many kids believe their beliefs are their own, yet most beliefs are designed to conform to herd consciousness generated by peers, TV and music.

In order to solve a problem we need to identify it and take it back to the root cause. In most cases it is an error in consciousness, belief, wrong conclusions from past experiences, and social programming with unhealthy agendas.

A manipulated personality, false ego, the need to be right, and, in extreme cases, narcissism is very hard to overcome.

Social Conditioning

We are all conditioned to one degree or another. An enlightened being acknowledges this and tries to look at everything with a fresh mind. Some call it the Buddha mind.

There are great thinkers that gave us tools for every situation.

Universal Law or Natural Law always applies. Here are questions we need to ask ourselves before passing information.

♦  Is it beneficial to all?

♦  Do you have first-hand knowledge?

♦  Where did you acquire the information? Are they to be trusted?

♦  Does this align with universal law?

♦  Do my actions align with universal law?

♦  How do you know this to be true?

The bottom line without personal experience and knowledge of a situation we cannot know whether it is true and we will frame everything according to our belief system. Can we set aside all programming, all judgement and influence, to discern whether or not something is true? A fact is only a theory enough people agree upon until another fact or more knowledge blows it out of the water.

We can go on and on but I am sure you get the picture. The spell of ignorance has to be broken. Those who perpetuate the lies and deceptions outside of universal law need to be identified and held accountable.

Levels of accountability do exist

There are levels of accountability. First level is conversation. Second level is recording other’s input. The third level is consequences and restitution. This may include an enforcement agency if one cannot find resolution in the first two levels.

All levels need to have the foundation of Universal Law.

Miscreation under the old draconian grid with a hierarchy of power and wealth gained at the expense of humanity and the Earth will come to an end.

Time to choose

The global elite have two choices – transform and align with universal law in service to humanity and the Earth or systematically be dismantled.

Little heads up – Karma, action/reaction is real and the lag time between the action and the reaction is speeding up. It is also being amplified, turning into Truckma. It is part of a grand cycle with a consciousness and energy behind it no man can stop.

No one is exempt, no institution or organization. We can flow with these changes, transform or resist and take the downward spiral. Those are the options. It seems best to do everything from now on as if standing before Creator in light review.

That review has come to Earth.

Be well,
James

SF Source eceti Jan 2019

https://www.shiftfrequency.com/hang-on-its-going-to-get-crazy/#more-118120